Becoming A Big Brother Or Sister

Children thrive on routine, and few events throw that routine off as completely and permanently as the arrival of a new little brother or sister.

When a new baby enters the picture, your older child’s world is thrown into turmoil, especially if your older child isn’t all that old. Try to imagine it from her or his perspective.

First, mommy leaves home for several days. Visiting mommy at the hospital is fun, but it’s also scary. What on earth is mommy doing here? Is she ever coming home? And now that she’s home, here’s the new baby. Sure, that tiny person is a novelty, but wow does he take up a lot of mommy’s time. And wow does he cry a lot and loudly. And wow does everyone make a huge fuss over him while they ignore me.

None of this is meant to make parents feel guilty about having a second (or third, or forth…) child. But your older child’s feelings are important, and addressing them will help ease the transition into becoming a big sibling.

If your child is old enough to understand that a new baby is on the way, you can prepare him. Tell him that a baby is growing in mommy’s body and will come home to live with them. Read a book on becoming a big sibling. Many hospitals even offer sibling preparation classes.

If your child is very young, she may not understand enough for you to prepare her, but you can do your best to minimize the shock to her world. Try to avoid making other big changes around the time your baby is due. Hold off on potty training or moving from crib to bed. Or make those changes well in advance. Your child will have enough adjustments to make, so try to keep as much of her life as familiar as possible around the time of your baby’s birth.

Try to avoid negative feedback, such as “Don’t touch the baby’s face,” and “Don’t take that from the baby.” Too much disapproval is likely to create resentment. When possible, use constructive words. Instead of scolding, “Don’t be so rough with the baby,” say, “The baby is very little, so we touch him gently.”

Use positive reinforcement. Children thrive on praise. Saying, “I like that you gave your sister a kiss,” will encourage your child to engage in behaviors that seek your approval.

Let your older child help care for your newborn. Although we don’t want to force our older children to grow up too fast, many children enjoy helping their parents. Ask your child to bring you the baby’s diaper. Praise her by saying, “Thank you for bringing me the diaper. You’re a big help!”

Have family or friends watch your newborn while you spend quality time with your older child. If you’re feeding your baby, sing songs with or tell stories to your child. This will help him understand that he is still an important part of your world.

It will take time for your child to adjust to having a baby brother or sister. But children are resilient, and someday they will become the best of friends.

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