Coping With A Visible Birth Defect That Makes Your Daughter Unpopular

Popularity is the name of the game for young girls when late elementary school begins. All the way through high school the question of who is the most popular will most likely be the focal point, usually followed closely with “does he like me” or “will she sit next to me during lunch.” While it would be foolhardy to conclude that life depends on such outward signs of popularity, the sad state of affairs clearly shows that younger and older children are desperately looking for a place in the pecking order, and with school being the obvious roost, it will also be where much of the battle for your child’s self worth will be fought.

Of course, not being popular in school does not need to be equated with a life long curse, and many a parent has been able to help their daughters shrug off the comments and counteract them with plenty of positive affirmation. Usually the children who might seem a bit lanky and gangly in high school turn out to be the athletes at the 10 year reunion! Yet when it is a clearly visible birth defect that makes your daughter unpopular with her peers, there is precious little you can do to explain it away; nor is there a lot of encouragement you can give when the look she has is most likely going to be permanent.

Coping with a visible birth defect that makes your daughter unpopular is not an easy task by any stretch of the imagination, but with a bit of ingenuity you will be able to help her deflect the brunt of hurt feelings and unkind actions aimed at her.

* As a parent, you need to understand that being popular is all about being accepted as a friend and equal by a desirable group of girls. Thus, being unpopular may be equated with being found left wanting and undesirable. Yet at the root of the clamor for popularity is the warring emotion of wanting and needing independence from you, the parent. While your daughter knows that you are her biggest fan, she wants to know that you are not the only one.

* If a birth defect makes your child unpopular, find different avenues of building her self esteem. This should be an activity that focuses intently on developing a certain skill set which other girls will most likely not share. It may be a musical talent, an artistic talent, or perhaps gymnastic or martial arts accomplishments, depending on your daughter’s birth defect and the limitations it imposes on her.

* If your daughter’s school offers extracurricular activities, find one in which she will shine and get her involved. Encourage friendships with other girls participating in that activity.

* Become involved in your child’s school. If she is a chess whiz but the school does not offer a chess club, volunteer to put one on. Put on tournaments, host pizza nights, and do a lot of fun activities making it the happening place in school. By default, she will be one of the popular kids because of belonging to the club!

Recommended Reading

1. When A Visible Birth Defect Invites Bullying
Try as you might, there will come a day when your little one will limp off to the school bus...
2. Does Your Child’s Birth Defect Merit An Iep
Even as you see your child off to school for perhaps the very first day of preschool, you know in...
3. Teaching Your Daughter About Menstruation
As a child grows, many changes begin to occur as they begin their journey towards adulthood. The time can be...
4. How To Recognize If A Birth Defect Is Affecting Your Child
Birth defects are quite frequently broken down into two categories: visible, outward deformities and invisible, systemic or organic abnormalities. While...
5. When A Child With A Birth Defect Needs To Be The Bigger Person
The world is filled with small people. Not small in stature or importance, they are small in spirit, temper, mind...