Disciplining A Child With Birth Defects

The old playground adage that you do not hit a child with glasses has somehow trickled down into the parenting philosophy of many a couple who have a child with a birth defect. Quite obviously there will have to be different benchmarks set when thinking of disciplining a child with an organic or external birth defect, especially if this condition in any way affects the emotional, psychological, cognitive or physical maturity of the child. This calls for an extra dose of tolerance, good humor, willingness to work around limitations, and a flexibility that may not be found in families of children who do not deal with the effects of physical abnormalities.

On the other side of the coin is the lack of attention that is paid to this most basic childhood requirement: the need for healthy boundaries that are consistently and lovingly enforced. Disciplining a child with birth defects is just as important as enforcing the set limits and standards with a healthy child. Where parents routinely err is the failure to adjust the limits and boundaries instead of the discipline that is meted out.

The goal of normalcy is expressed in the home and treating a child with birth defects differently by allowing her or him to not experience consequences of her or his actions is contrary to good and common sense. There will be times that your child will exhibit behavior that is unacceptable and cannot be excused or traced back to the birth defect. A child with club foot, for example, may not be able to respond to your instructions as quickly as a more able bodied child and thus should not be warned about tardiness, but by the same token she or he should be sternly warned against hitting or acting out physically against another sibling. This behavior is not acceptable and is most certainly not caused by the birth defect.

Psychologists have traced back parental unwillingness to discipline a child with birth defects to underlying feelings of guilt, especially if the birth defect may be attributed to external sources such as parental behavior or environmental factors. By the same token, parents of children with abnormalities will seek to instinctually want to protect their little ones from any and all adversity, rationalizing that the harshness of every day life will be something their child will have to deal with sooner rather than later as it is. Yet by failing to help the child discern acceptable from unacceptable behavior and thus not enabling the child to practice fitting into the society of which she or he will become a part sooner or later, the very harshness they are seeking to prevent will undoubtedly strike the child harder than necessary. A child with a birth defect will need to cope with rude children, inept teachers, and rude adults, but a child with a birth defect and bad manners or aggressive behavior, a potty mouth, or a volatile temper will find that children as well as adults will be less likely to invite her or him into their circle and permit the child to assimilate into the group.

Recommended Reading

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